We rented "Drumline" last night. Diana thought it was exciting and inspiring when she saw bits of it on clable, and wanted to rent it. We did.

It's quite a blazing display of coordination and rehersal. Evidently, my facial expressions (during the movie), were such that she questioned whether or not I was enjoying the movie. She even asked if it was inspiring me to pick up the sticks again.

Two thoughts came to mind.
One: I was NEVER in marching band or any school related bands. I preferred the electric instrument accompaniament that played music of that day.
Two: I am so unbelievably UNcoordinated that marching alone would be impossible, let alone drumming.

I was THAT fast, and THAT rehearsed during my Sophomore & Junior Years at High School. I was good enough to sight read anything. But, as so often happens in my life when I get bored with anything, I get cocky and I stumble, losing interest. By 2 years after graduation, I wasn't playing regularly any more, and "lost my ear".

By the time children entered the picture, specifically by 1986, the drums were more a prop - or even stowed away - and seldom used. Now, with each day's activities being crammed full of 12 hours worth of work for an 8 hour day. When I get home at night, I'm too exhausted to do anything.

Sometimes, life's every day tedium sucks your life's energy and weekends aren't enough time to cram all the stuff you put off.... including playing the drums.

No, my facial expressions during the movie were not that of being inspired - but rather of being on a different life path than I had once envisioned.

Never give up your dreams!

The Time Is Near

The Crossroads -

It's Almost Upon Me.

The Past:

What Once Was.
Memories.

The Future:

Direction Uncertain.

Certain colloquialisms come to mind. The biggest example is: "You Can Never Go Home"

It's True.

Your past never leaves you, and you never leave your past.

Holding on to what once was... may be able to help

Still - the frontier awaits...

As does the Crossroads

1975

Well, OK - this picture was 1974... but you get the idea. It was a lifetime ago!

In 1975, I had a "vision" of where I wanted to be, later in life. Then - life happened... unfolding and showing me twists and turns I never imagined.

Perhaps I married too early.

Perhaps I matured too late.

A new family's needs always seemed to overshadow my goals and aspirations. I just saw my later years much more clearly in 1975, than I did as the subsequent 30 years passed.

What a geek I was back then. But at least I was skinny.

But I had ideas, and I had dreams. Time had cast them to the side of the road for a lot of years. Then, in 2001, after traversing the depths of hell, I returned to the place I called home for most of my life. Winding up being mom's care-giver as she grew frail beyond belief, I sojourned onward on my own "fix me crusade".

It's been six years since I returned. The 1975 vision of owning the home I grew up in has vanished. It's own "life" is ebbing in value and the ravages of time and deferred maintanance, combined with the accellerating interest of mom's reverse mortgage will make owning this home impossible and unmanagable, financially. I'll not dig myself a financial grave again. It's taken the past 8++ years to dig out this far. I'm on the threshhold of being debt free for the first time since 1977 and I won't return to that form of bondage.

Part of me is devistated. I wanted that house in the worst way.

Part of me is almost giddy with the thought of financial freedom. I hope to play upon the giddy part when it comes time to leave. I didn't want to move again. The cards dealt me a hand that makes moving a sane alternative. The burning question is: Where?

The last 2 weeks of hard winter has sure made the southwest very attractive. That, plus the economy being better out there. A region that is ALIVE and not crumbling into rusted death would be a good place to start over. I believe I will be doing that move completely alone, though - should it come to pass. My partner of almost 5 years will most likely be unable to move, and that too, will be sad.

The alternative is staying here and working in an area that is beyond the stench of death. With each decaying day that passes, greater Cleveland becomes more and more undesirable a place to live. The city itself is bringing down the values of the entire region and that too, becomes puzzling. After all, why buy a place that will be losing value as soon as title transfers?

Think I am exaggerating? NAR gave Ohio an overall 9% depreciation. OAMB claims 10% within the last couple years and between 10 and 30% decrease in values - state wide - over the next 3 years. (NAR = National Assn of Realtors; OAMB = Ohio Assn of Mortgage Brokers). Lenders have left Ohio over the newly passed SB185, an Ohio Law that pretty much destroyed Mortgage loans in Ohio.

Why stay in a state where the government is prohibitive for business? As a loan officer, it's pretty impossible to lend in Ohio any more. As a Realtor, it's difficult to get approved customers to show homes to, and then when they are allegedly "approved" it still takes weeks to get someone to sign off on it, because noone wants the responsibility of making a loan that the lender can't securitize.

I mean, really....

If you're in Real Estate - either as a realtor or as a broker...

WHY DO BUSINESS IN OHIO?

Reflections

They are with me a lot today.

Much of my life from 1992 through 1998 was "Keep Up With The Jones's". Multiple jobs, multiple renovations, multiple cars all contributed to the ensuing problems. By the 1999 divorce and bankruptcy, I felt I could start anew. I was wrong.

From 1998, when the bottom fell out, through late 2001, I bottomed out. By the time the bankruptcy was discharged, evil had already taken hold. The best part of those next couple years was the Portage County fair.

Since 2001, I've been rebuilding. steadily. Lo and behold, after 2004's 13 discharge and then 2005's CSEA conciliation, I was on my way. 2006's independence from the oppressive employer who wouldn't pay me was another landmark. My subsequent job paid me 167% of the base I was making at the old grind. Too bad they couldn't keep up with Cleveland - but in all reality, it's Cleveland that can't keep up with the rest of the country.

Hence, I am on the threshhold of a new era. One that will surely carry me south and west of here, to a new state where business is rational and less political. Income will follow. I've already begun the process of license transfer.

Arizona, here I come.