In the North, the Winter Solstice takes place December 21st at 7:04 a.m. Eastern time. The Winter Solstice is the shortest day of the year and the longest period of darkness. After December 21st, the sunlight slowly starts its return and the days begin to get longer leading up to the countdown to Spring.

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The first breath of spring is right around the corner - IN SO MANY WAYS!

GONE is the rotting past with lethargic days of sitting. Activity = Life.

I plan on LIVING my life - not just "vegging" my way through it, in a drunken, passionless stupor.

a lot has changed

This year - a lot has changed.
As it draws to a close I often review my situation.

It's been a year of both personal as well as professional recovery.

Personally, I am recovering from a soured relationship, a family homestead going into foreclosure and the continued adjustment of being self employed. Additionally, as the end of the year drew near, a sickness that sapped me and taught me the need to monitor my health a great deal better than I was.

Professionally, I am recovering from a market that is seriously downtrodden and scarce business that has increased through numerous marketing efforts.

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On a personal note, the loss of any relationship DOES take it's toll. Time evens out all wounds but I think - retrospectively - that I probably would have handled things only mildly different as I reflect. Knowing how I held up and the degree to which my inner strength lead to an emotional breakthrough in Late October/Early November, I most likely would have wound things up more quickly.

The strength I gained was nothing short of amazing!
Why?
My beliefs and personal rules HELD. Steadfast in place, they will now guide me for the remainder of my life. These rules will NOT be broken for anyone. I'm truly proud of myself and awed by the fact that I held my ground. After all, if the shoe were on the other foot, would she have tolerated me going out of state for a 3 day weekend to see some girl I met on line, (even if it were innocent?) Doubtful is the answer. I didn't TRUST her there alone, especially after her behavior on September 24 & 25, 2004. So - without TRUST - there's nothing.

HONESTY leads to TRUST
TRUST leads to FRIENDSHIP
FRIENDSHIP leads to a RELATIONSHIP

She once said that lack of - or omitting the truth - is the same as telling a lie.
She also once said that if she ever had an interest in someone else, she would break things off before moving on. Clearly, the second sentence's "reveal" on Labor Day weekend - in fact CONCEALED the fact that she'd been planning the trip for some time. The delay in telling me was based upon the (correct) belief that I would not go for it. The weeks - even months - of built up angest and antagonistic banter from her, indicated to me that she was spiking for a fight... a fight to expedite the conclusion that eventually took place anyway.

So, dealing with "missing the illusion of who someone you thought you loved" isn't so bad when you realize you're old enough to discard the rose colored glasses. The REALITY was - the relationship had drifted apart over 4 years before. We were nothing more than room mates.

When it came to her trip to see her internet man, I could not ask her to be any less than who she is. She had the wander-lust in her and needed to fly away. So be it.

We went our separate ways.

Put your Money where your Mouth is!

Sometimes, I am naive enough to not see the forest for the trees. Such is the case many times in my life.

Good examples are:
- when I got married the second time - and everyone in my family saw the truth except me;
- when the first decline in the sub-prime market came along and I jumped from sinking ship to sinking ship to prolong the end;
- when I believed my first wife was not greedy and I was giving her enough to live on in a ballooned settlement that haunts me almost 10 years later;
- when a simple job I took in October, 2000 became a "family" and therefore they felt as if they didn't have to pay me what I deserved... and I believed them.

Speaking specifically of that last part - Once again, my naivete hits me square in the forehead. Many of the "alliances" that company had have been eroded - including the one with me. When I left their employ, I was owed a sum of nearly $700.00. They never paid. When many of their partnerships with brokers around town disintegrated - it was usually over money. Sometimes, the disagreements were over expenses, fabricated from thin air, such as misc. administrative fees. Even my boss there had a way to finagle the books for his expenses, taking his family out to eat twice a week (his claim - not my allegation) on the company - and turning the receipts in for reimbursement.

Looking back with laser-like 20/20 hindsight, I can always say it's ALWAYS been about the Money!