This year - a lot has changed.
As it draws to a close I often review my situation.
It's been a year of both personal as well as professional recovery.
Personally, I am recovering from a soured relationship, a family homestead going into foreclosure and the continued adjustment of being self employed. Additionally, as the end of the year drew near, a sickness that sapped me and taught me the need to monitor my health a great deal better than I was.
Professionally, I am recovering from a market that is seriously downtrodden and scarce business that has increased through numerous marketing efforts.
_________________________________________________________
On a personal note, the loss of any relationship DOES take it's toll. Time evens out all wounds but I think - retrospectively - that I probably would have handled things only mildly different as I reflect. Knowing how I held up and the degree to which my inner strength lead to an emotional breakthrough in Late October/Early November, I most likely would have wound things up more quickly.
The strength I gained was nothing short of amazing!
Why?
My beliefs and personal rules HELD. Steadfast in place, they will now guide me for the remainder of my life. These rules will NOT be broken for anyone. I'm truly proud of myself and awed by the fact that I held my ground. After all, if the shoe were on the other foot, would
she have tolerated
me going out of state for a 3 day weekend to see some girl I met on line, (even
if it were innocent?) Doubtful is the answer. I didn't TRUST her there alone, especially after her behavior on September 24 & 25, 2004. So - without TRUST - there's nothing.
HONESTY leads to TRUST
TRUST leads to FRIENDSHIP
FRIENDSHIP leads to a RELATIONSHIP
She once said that lack of - or omitting the truth - is the same as telling a lie.
She also once said that if she ever had an interest in someone else, she would break things off before moving on. Clearly, the second sentence's "reveal" on Labor Day weekend - in fact CONCEALED the fact that she'd been planning the trip for some time. The delay in telling me was based upon the (correct) belief that I would not go for it. The weeks - even months - of built up angest and antagonistic banter from her, indicated to me that she was spiking for a fight... a fight to expedite the conclusion that eventually took place anyway.
So, dealing with "missing the
illusion of who someone you thought you loved" isn't so bad when you realize you're old enough to discard the rose colored glasses. The REALITY was - the relationship had drifted apart over 4 years before. We were nothing more than room mates.
When it came to her trip to see her internet man, I could not ask her to be any less than who she is. She had the wander-lust in her and needed to fly away. So be it.
We went our separate ways.
