Pings and Echoes

Eight years ago, it was late July, 2001.
Six months prior, I had exited a relationship that I wasn't ready for two years earlier. It was hard on my kids, hard on me as well as her and her kids. We raced into a marriage for no other reasons than despiration and her need of hospitalization. Although we clicked on several levels, we clashed on so very many more.

I was in therapy for the past 5 months, and was about to have an emotional collapse that would send me reeling to the doctor, pleading for a perscription of effexor. I soon learned that it wasn't the answer and the aches started to subside after the divorce was final on 9/14/01.

2001 was a very turbulant year for me - personally - professionally - financially and emotionally.
I was an emotional wreck - SAD all the time!
In April, I entered into a Chapter 13 bankruptcy.
I was constantly behind and needed help. Child support was relentless and after the bankruptcy took hold - combined with my child support - I was bringing home $106 - twice per month. I lived with mom - but she needed help as well and in June of that year - I managed to beat up her creditors to take a lower amount payoff when she got a reverse mortgage.
I was in Therapy since February.
I was on Effexor (supposed to be 6 months) starting in August.
I had started dating again much later that year - but wasn't serious with her.

This was the end of ex #2 - or so I thought.
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In May of 2002, I met someone on line. She was shapely, blond, tanned, athletic and confident - and apparently at that time, she was interested in me. For the first 27 months, we were a very happy couple. Then, the end began. My reunion and her multiple flirtations - her dog - her new house - and all the projects (which I thoroughally enjoyed). By 2005, and her sister's wedding in August, the fractures began to show in the relationship. The drinking - which had begun in ernest as far back as the first camping trip (July 4, 2002), had become increasingly apparent and occupied most of her time. I played along as she was much more tolerable as a happy drunk than a sober bitch.

2006, I built the first pond over labor day.
2007, same holiday - quadrupled the size and more.
2008, the pond opened June 15th. I was proud!
By Late August, most of the Pond projects were done and she spent almost all of her time getting trashed at the side of the pond. I became concerned and began to NOT drink - even when she did.

Labor Day.
On the 2nd anniversary of the first pond's groundbreaking and the first anniversary of the larger pond's expansion - she dropped a bomb. After a couple weekends when she had asked me to stay home and NOT come over - she announced she was going to Michigan to see this guy named Paul whom she had been friends with at a Pond Forum for 2 years and 3 months.

In one paragraph's worth of declaration from her, she blindsided me and stabbed me in my heart. I KNEW I couldn't be "with" her and let her go spend 2 nights with another guy. After 3 more days of thought, my decision being made and final, I began removing my stuff from her house that weekend. 2 more trips back - extending through October at her delay - and I had removed all of my things that I had space for.

That kind of blind-sided heart stab is something that takes a while to recover from.
Here's where the Pings and Echoes come in.

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In November of 2008 - almost 3 months since she nuked me - I got sick.
It was a mere throat infection, but the other issues caused the doctor even greater concern.
Elevated Blood Pressure of 196 / 106.
Liver Enzyme count was 3 times as high as normal.
Blood tests revealed no choloresterol issues - as a matter of fact - it was low.
But I was immediately placed on BP meds and told NO DRINKING!!!
It scared me. Had all that drinking with the ex girlfriend damaged my liver? perhaps my doctor was being overly dramatic but she said most definately, yes.

That was late November / early December.
By the first week in January, I developed a very severe case of Gout.
It took forever to subside. Now, the Gout meds were started but the BP meds were changed as they probably incited the flare up of gout since I wasn't drinking.

Then the incessant cough... also a side effect of the new BP meds. It took months to overcome that. Meanwhile, the gout slowly ebbed. But the uric acid levels didn't subside, so the meds were doubled in doseage.

Flash forward to the present day.
I seem to be fine - BP 119 / 79 and my Liver enzymes down to just below normal.
With the health issues under control and the lesson of excessive drinking learned, I seldom have more than a few beers every couple weeks now. My bloodstream has cleared and it takes but one beer to get me plowed. So I save a lot of money...

But now - back to the Pings and Echoes

In 2001, it seemed that every corner of life was crashing down on me.
I survived.
In 2008, a similar situation arose.
Death of a relationship - which still sends aches through my heart occasionally - if I permit it.
Bankruptcy - brought on by the excessive spending in 2008 (pond, materials totalling nearly $4000; a pickup truck that I lost equity on when I traded it and a huge decrease in the real estate market business).
Foreclosure - mom's house had my name on the deed. Her Damn lawyer was - and is - completely incompetant.
With the massive decrease in income, I have had to cut back a LOT! No home phone - tagging along on my cell phone with my 2nd ex's plan to attain and keep the phone. My cell phone - and it's old number - went into the bankruptcy, along with ALL my debt except reaffirmed the car.

I upped my lease for one final year until Jim graduates. Once he's out - and the child support has subsided, I'm outa here. North Royalton has become the new Reichstadt with their stupid, petty laws governing every ounce of behavior. It's no longer the quaint little community it once was.

I'll also be relinquishing my real estate license back to the state - as I have my loan officer license. It's all part of the plan to live off the grid - anonymously and under the radar of the socialist government!

I look forward to self imposed changes in my life - and the solitude that will come with them.
The past -
- well - maybe one day she'll realize that my jokes were to be happy - not to make fun of her.
The past is something to be learned from.

So the Crappy old Dell Laptop took a dive! Either the battery or the power supply. Either way, it's expensive. I may NOT even fix it.

Thank goodness I have the new, beefier, dual core desktop.

I'll be back in action soon!

Signs of a Cheater.

I found this website last September when I was looking for some consolation. My one time partner (whom I had thought was "the one" for life) had made an announcement.

The announcement was basicly that she was going to take Friday the 12th off work and drive up to Michigan (over 175 miles away) for a 3 day weekend with some guy she met on line.

I was crushed.
As time passed, and I learned more about the length of time she had been communicating with him. This had been taking place for over two years. Although it started innocently enough, I soon learned of her on line affair that as soon as 2 weeks after I had taken my stuff out - and she had already spent the weekend with him - they already had plans to go to Vegas together for a 3 day Valentines weekend.

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I had learned a very valuable lesson.

I had met her on the internet in May of 2002. I learned that she'd had internet flings before. I learned during our time together that she has a flirtation problem... spending some private time playing tonsil hockey with a band member at my reunion as well as one of my classmates that she went to the hotel bar with. I also learned that she has an affinity for younger hispanic men (where she was old enough to be their mom). The new term for that is: She's a cougar.

Members of her family stated that she never kept any man longer than I was with her (6 years). Yet, they had hoped she had made a choice to settle down. Nice folks, her family. But all of the consolations in the world from them couldn't erase the damage SHE did.

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So I learned a very harsh lesson.
Trust is something I gave freely to her.
I shouldn't have.

Today, I find myself in a reflective mood about how I got where things are. You see, as recently as six months ago (August, 2008), I was proclaiming a great deal of "absolutes". In the two months that followed, the word NEVER came up a LOT!

Well, NEVER happened frequently over the last several months. Some examples include:

• The departure of somone I thought was permananty in my life;
• The reality of inheriting mom's house and losing it through foreclosure;
• Thoughts of finding myself "working for the man" to survive began to creep back in;
• Finding myself back in a relationship that I swore would NEVER happen.
• Inheriting more of Dad's illnesses despite my very different lifestyle;
• After the "event" clearly I had no intention of permitting myself to become part of "a couple".

Yet, here I am. Virtually every one of the "NEVER"s were broken.

The only resolution I can glean from this is never say never.