Week of Reflective Anniversaries

As this weird week of transition opened, the surreal memories from the past burst forth.

Monday.
5/5/14.

Started with a Facebook invite. An invite to attend the 40th reunion. 10 years ago, I was on the 30th reunion committee. Apparently, I burned friendship bridges back then, and didn't even realize it until now. I accepted the invite, but am not certain about attending. I accepted the invite and went about my day... unphased, for now...

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Later, the most unique thing about this day was that I would be driving directly from work to a gig with some of my best friends' band to take pictures. In many regards, I was only mildly conscious of the other aspect of things.

A text came in. 
WHOOSH!

An often silent reminder of an error I made nearly 20 years ago. An error that would, and did trade my life, my family, my scope of friends, my financial security and my entire way of life in a moment of lust. Cinco De Mayo was the 19th anniversary of my decision to end an affair. It was a day of pleasure that has since been both a sexual benchmark and a reminder of the wrong path taken. While the actual beginning took place six months earlier and the end would sputter for years and endure the end of both of our marriages, 19 years ago May 5th was the pinnacle, and the anniversary.

One text: "Happy Cinco De Mayo", told me something I did not want to know. She was still thinking of it fondly. Crazy part is... I reflect on that time myself. But my reflections are quite different. My reflections are ones of reminiscing on what I ruined: my wife's trust and ultimately the marriage because I couldn't live with myself. My kids very lives - all of whom still rightfully blame me. My reflections on not so much that day - but that TIME - are feelings of remorse. 20 years wiser, I should have never gone down that path. 

Positive reminder, however - Had I not gone through hell, I'd not have the friends I do now. And I do have some very good friends!

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May 9th.
This week, it was a Saturday.
Twelve years ago, it was a Thursday.
An internet date from Yahoo personals. 
Her name was Diana and I saw a pic of her. Blond hair, Blue Eyes, fit... I wanted to meet her. We fell hard and were together 6 years, 3 months and 3 weeks. 

More recent in my past, this one still hurts some. We grew apart together and, in truth, probably each of us held on, hoping the other would come around. We were on different directions together for the last couple of years and didn't choose to recognize it. It seemed that the only time we laughed any more was when we were drunk - which was 4 nights a week toward the end. I drank more during those six years than I had in my entire life. Looking back, the sheer volume of cash I pissed away drinking can only be guess-timated. It's staggering. However, we had fun for a few years, she got her dream... a home, (which I was influential in assisting with), she got her landscaping, her golden retriever, her privacy fence and her pond thanks to efforts by me as well.

Reflectively, I feel that I have only been that deeply in love that once. My two marriages were more about "conquests" and "saving the damsel". I did love them, and still love all of my past loves (even the short flings, strangely), but this one was, I sense, THE one. I suppose you could say it was also the one that paved my present path as well.

So May 5th was a 19th anniversary and May 9th a 12th anniversary.

With those reflections out of the way, I turn about 180 degrees and face the future. Today is day one of a 2nd job (this one from home) that will cut 12 hours a week out of my free time, but hopefully help right my financial ship. I should know by month's end.