Thanksgiving weekend update

I work a lot. This week should total $500.

Heather now roadies. But her income is nominal. She might make 200 a week.  She'll need more. 

I can't wait to get out of here 

 Again,  after a weekend with Bob,  she came back to announce for a third time that she and Bob are a couple. I'm not jealous.  I'm rather relieved.  I recognized that fact 3 1/2 years ago when she first announced she's opening up the relationship.  

I must pay down the bills and save money 

I work a lot

There's no getting around it. I work a lot. If I had a more conducive home environment,  I might not work so much.  But as it stands,  I've been paying the full tab on all expenses for 18 months,  I NEED to work.  

I have to get the credit cards back down as well as the personal loan. Then there's the nissan.  8800 and still in my name. I've got a lot to do in the next 6 months.  

Heather has been taking multiple mother daughter days since Sallie has been here. She'll be gone again tomorrow + night + most of Sunday,  since she's declared Bob as her boyfriend. 

Supposedly,  she starts a new job on Monday.  I'll wait and see.  

Meanwhile,  I have almost no interest in going out anymore,  which saves money.  I DID go see Mike and Priscilla Wednesday night before Thanksgiving.  We talked.  The stroke was a topic.  

I don't expect to hear again from them anytime soon.  Unless it suits them to gossip and be first with information,  I suspect they'll fade into the woodwork,  like I plan to.

Other than that,  work is on the agenda...

Decry-ers

Uncle Harry wanted to inspire me.  That's why he bought me the drums for Christmas 1969. And the cymbal in 1970. He wanted me to join Local 4 Musicians union. 

But mom didn't want me to. She belittled every effort brought forth by the Keifers. I'm certain it was a jealousy thing.  She was always jealous of others who had things better. 

When I had experience playing drums in a rock band, my parents left the house during practice.  

Nancy wanted me to put the drums up in the attic.  She didn't like the noise. I'm certain she wouldn't like the attention it would bring either. 

Cheryl didn't want me playing in public,  or practicing with a band either.  She'd ridicule everything I did in drumming or photography.  So I didn't.  I became a doorstop. 

Diana thought it was cool but by then, I'd been ridiculed too much. 

Jude had nothing but harsh ridicule for everything I did.

Heather was the only one who came to practice and to a gig. The rest just criticized

11/22/21

Another weekend plus alone. 

Heather's at Bob's from Saturday morning until Tuesday night.

I worked. 

I didn't go out over the weekend.  Too tired.  

Thought a lot about the flashbacks I mentioned in the previous post.  Although nothing happened,  last year's dating experiment shouldn't have happened.  It was a disaster. 

Further,  continuous flirtation with Dawn isn't smart either.  Yesterday I found out she has covid and has been off since the last weekend I saw her.  I kissed her as well. Although I'm not showing symptoms,  perhaps I was carrying it. 

Another flashback day

So I spent 100 on shelves and she's not even here again. I'm sore and tired as hell. One set of shelves is up. Another needs 2 people  to assemble. So I did wash instead. 

I remembered it's the 3rd week in November and next week is Thanksgiving. A year ago, I was dealing with her issues.  I looked it up.

Last year I was also in the midst of falling for Lauren.  Man, I'm glad that went nowhere.  But for October and November last year,  8 was smitten. 

Star Trek Insurection

I remember this movie.  Just finished watching it on showtime.  Diana loved this movie.  I always felt it was like an episode more than a movie. 

While watching,  I felt like I did during the first time I saw it. I was flush with memories and thoughts of good times.  For the most part,  2002 to 2006ish was the best time of my life with a girlfriend. 

New era

Today, my white silk Tama Starclassics arrived. Completing the trio of Starclassic drum sets. Also shown are the liquid metal on the left and Dark Stardust Fade in back.  

Although I have been communicating with the band TARP, they don't seem motivated to pursue me.

Oh well,  I'll connect with a band sometime. 

weekend of 11/12-14

Friday- 11/12, Armstrong Bearcats at Red Fox in Cuyahoga Falls.  Always a great time 

Saturday-11/13, Impulse at Nashville Nights.  Good show considering Ken wasn't there due to lung bacteria infection. 

Mixed messages from dawn.  Very stand offish. 

She's flirtatious on phone but cool I'm person.  Very confusing 

another Thursday night solo

Tonight made me reflect.  About 4 or 5 days every 2 weeks Heather is gone. She needs to schedule better.  I could move and she wouldn't know it.

work

All I do is drive. 

That's how I make money. 

I average between $3-400 per week. That's 18200 per year or 1516 per month. 

I will make 1601 before Medicare on my social security. 19212 annually.  

37404 gross, 3117 monthly. 

My point?

Heather has to buy the nissan.  Then I'll qualify for 571 p+i

Clarification

The older I get,  the clearer becomes the view.

I was nothing more than a basement band drummer. 

I was never an original photographer.

I was only a mildly innovative marketer, showing an occasional flash of genius. 

I always have been an extraordinarily regular guy. 

I'm no leader, but rather a dispassionate follower.

I'm comfortable being alone. 

I love the woods.

I'm ordinarily lazy and have to push myself to get going. 

I'll never have accomplished anything remarkable. 

My 40s were wasted chasing pushy. My 30s wasted trying to be an adult.  My 20s were divided  - first partying - then trying to be married... a choice that I regretfully made because I was asked when I would marry her. My 50s were turbulent,  first with the decline of my relationship with Diana,  then death of mom, then re-entry of Cheryl and then her death,  and ending with the worst decision of my life... Jude. My 60s brought me back to a simpler life,  drumming and my life changing stroke.

Next!!!??!

I just feel like bitching

I'm down to 95 Facebook friends and I don't care.  I could lose half and still not care. Some, like Sammy are throwbacks to a much different life. I have my groups and that's entertaining enough.  I'm losing interest in fascistbook/meta anyway. 

I find myself looking more at for sale signs as I drive my deliveries.  I've got such a long way to go before buying a house. 

Pay off drum loan, pay off personal loan, credit cards,  nissan loan...

That's about $11000.

I'm kinda in limbo of sorts. Driving everywhere is getting old. I get tired sooner.  I no longer drive north of Fairlawn or Cuyahoga falls.  Not even for bands.  

I might need to find a way to make money online from home. But these communists in office are legislating bullshit taxes... even on mileage. Assholes. 

I just want to move away, alone and stop dealing with bullshit. 

11/7/21

End of the weekend review. 

Heather spent the night with guy #5. Steve, guitarist for Terry T. She's also spent the night with Bob, Randy, and Eric (Canton) within the last few weeks.  She's also dated some guy who's name and location she left private.. not telling me. 

Adding insult to injury,  she got sassy with me about she could never date me now because she doesn't like long hair. 

Then, the next slap in the face: in response to my post about girls not wanting to date guys with long hair,  Rhonda Engle posted that of course not. They don't want to date girls.  BLOCKED AND DELETED!!

And finally,  after 2 years of flirtation with Dawn,  all she talked about Saturday was Nikki Storm. Time to forget her and move on. 

So then I went looking at other "friends " profiles... cutting anyone pro vax. Done. Down to 90++. 

Solitude looks good. 

I can't wait until spring. 

If I save $100 per week until spring,  I'll have about $3300 saved if I go FHA.  But a really want FMHA with zero down.   I'll also have paid off my loan and affirm by then. 

Now, all that's needed is for Heather to buy out the nissan 

weekend of 11/5-7

Normally I have something specific in mind when I start a post. This time,  I don't.  A lot of things have transpired for me to get here. 

18 months ago we started lockdown.  I left menards and started roadie.  There's been a lot of personal freedom in doing so. 

I have more inner strength due to all the adversity.  I've lost friends due to covid,  and I've had it myself.  The biggest change though was my stroke.  It's changed my way of thought. I don't go out nearly as much.  

Speaking of going out... the pangs to do so are gone. I make plans.. then don't go.  The music side of things has withered.  It's no longer fun to go see bands. Partly because of what happened with Route 95, where we had strong promise, and then Muddy River Project,  where in 3 weeks we turned promise into reality. 

Then, when my endurance crashed,  so did my desire.  I had been through the work, the play and the pay. My respect for the musicianship grew. My enjoyment however crashed.  My mind and heart had said... been there done that.  My focus moved on. 

For years,  I was convinced that I couldn't live anywhere but rentals. Truth was,  now, I could.  I will. I just have to get Heather to buy out the nissan.  By February,  my loans will be paid and money will be well saved. I should make my move.

I'm still preparing,  but focused 

that chapter closed

I've been researching things pretty hard. Housing, for example.  My latest flirtation with a house in Diamond,  Ohio is over. I went by the house.  It needed lots of work. 

Finances will have to wait until April,  when my roadie income will be 2 years old and my bankruptcy will be 4 years ago.  Plus, Heather has to find a job that can support her,  and she can take over the nissan. Only then, I'm free.

But my foree into finances has taught me that I have the right idea using a  USDA loan with no down payment.  Meanwhile I have amassed 1000 in savings.  Big help! 

Waiting until April will make that number quintuple. 

I can't wait til April