Signs

Somewhere between 2009 and 2010, while I still had a one bedroom apartment in Pine Forest, I got my first sign. Cheryl's electric was cut off at the precise time she was at a divorce hearing. I remember this because the power was cut while I was in the condo.

I should have recognised that there was an issue, but she was always good at hiding things. That was an awakening moment.... a $1600 past due electric bill. That equates to about 8 months (maybe more) of unpaid electricity. She simply ignored it. The same thing later happened to the cable. 

This "sign" was not new. She did the same thing back in Paris Twp, however, her parents owned the property and repeatedly bailed her out. Cheryl was NOT a conscientious bill payer. She would rather spend money on cameras and equipment then pay her bills. 

That trend later surfaced again. In 2011 and 12, she was forced to have me take over the bills because she couldn't get any utility in her name: Not cable, not electric, not cell phone. Eventually, I carried the financial ball and my apartment in North Royalton was foregone, due to those expenses in 2010. By June of 2012, she was sidelined from work due to a bladder infection and by August, her doctors disabled her. 

Her car was next. Once, in the evening, late in 2012, came a knock at the door. She sat upstairs, denying any problems but also said DON'T ANSWER IT!!! "It" being of course, a repo man. She was defiantly denying any problem and I had to tell her about my current chapter 13 BK, and how it saved my car... but also how she could save hers. She eventually conceded and let me give the tow truck man a business card for my BK attorney, stating she just filed bankruptcy and was therefore protected. She followed through meeting him, and borrowed the money for his fee from Kristin, Chris' girlfriend. She was paid back by the second (and final) social security check Cheryl received in April. 

Throughout Cheryl's life, she ignored bills, lending laws and even divorce paperwork, unless it suited her needs. (even cashed a tax refund of her ex back in 2000), which should have been my awakening even back then! Those lessons learned back then are the reason I won't utilize joint credit with Heather, who demonstrates similar tendencies, (ie School Loans). 

“How did it get so late so soon?” ― Dr. Seuss

Time is constant.
Perception is not.

I once believed I'd never make it to 40.
I was wrong.
Time proved that.

I once believed my grandfather was old and I'd never see that day.
I was wrong.
Time proved that.

I once believed I could control things in my life.
I was wrong.
Time Proved that.

Bottom line: I was wrong. I was flawed.
Time was not.

_____________________________________________

I once believed I would make a great deal of money in my life.
I once believed I would be a great drummer.
I once believed I would own my parents home and live there the rest of my days.

POOF
Half a century later..
I made good money for a couple years
I was able to sight read my drum lessons and yet too timid to venture forth beyond the garage...
I briefly owned my parents home, and due to my own ignorance and arrogance, lost it.

_______________________________________________

I once believed in the accumulation of things... that things would make me happy.
Records; cars; antique German beer steins; Books; Drum Sets; even cameras.

All that remains of my former life are records and cameras. I've often questioned the keeping of my record collection. I don't listen to them any more....

_______________________________________________

As TIME moves on, I am beginning to see that 40 was the tipping point.
I was in a new job that I was just learning. It wasn't yet my money making career, and I had a ways to go before I learned the value of being an account executive in the lending industry. It would be a couple more years, but the worst was behind me.... or so I thought.
I had just been busted by my ex for my infidelity. Her relentless digging and prodding divided us further. Her vindictiveness closed the door on us.
My mom was beginning to show her mental frailty and thus become a greater portion of my free time in the next dozen years.

My life was being shaped.

________________________________________________

Time was the ultimate teacher.

At the age of 60, it started to come into focus.
The first 12 years were childhood.
I became the man of the house at age 12 when dad had his heart attacks. from 1968 - 87, I was dad's "helper". Even long after I got married and moved out.

Upon Dad's death, I helped mom. First with the will and insurance.
I helped mom refinance when she accumulated $40K in credit card debt (1996). Mortgage now $60K.
I helped mom get her oxygen. I helped mom refinance onto a reverse mortgage (2002) when she had another $70,000 in Credit card debt to add to her mortgage balance and thusly make the house more affordable. (No house payments). For the last 5 years, she struggled further. She loved her charge accounts.

I helped Nancy get her dream home... constantly remodeling. More furniture...more home improvements... more "toys", fancy cars... baubles of every nature...

I helped Cheryl with her farm until our hasty marriage derailed.

I helped Diana buy a house, improve the house, attain her enclosed privacy fence, refinance her house, dug her pond, rewired her house, installed her dishwasher;

I helped Cheryl again find a condo; find a second condo; find a third condo; rewire one condo; launch a photography business.

I helped Jude get her house; work on her house; refinish all the hard wood in the house; was her nurse after both her surgeries; even in introducing her to my replacement.

I've helped Heather get her house; begin the process of getting her kids back.

Time taught me that I am a flawed person and everyone's "helper".