Time is constant.
Perception is not.
I once believed I'd never make it to 40.
I was wrong.
Time proved that.
I once believed my grandfather was old and I'd never see that day.
I was wrong.
Time proved that.
I once believed I could control things in my life.
I was wrong.
Time Proved that.
Bottom line: I was wrong. I was flawed.
Time was not.
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I once believed I would make a great deal of money in my life.
I once believed I would be a great drummer.
I once believed I would own my parents home and live there the rest of my days.
POOF
Half a century later..
I made good money for a couple years
I was able to sight read my drum lessons and yet too timid to venture forth beyond the garage...
I briefly owned my parents home, and due to my own ignorance and arrogance, lost it.
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I once believed in the accumulation of things... that things would make me happy.
Records; cars; antique German beer steins; Books; Drum Sets; even cameras.
All that remains of my former life are records and cameras. I've often questioned the keeping of my record collection. I don't listen to them any more....
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As TIME moves on, I am beginning to see that 40 was the tipping point.
I was in a new job that I was just learning. It wasn't yet my money making career, and I had a ways to go before I learned the value of being an account executive in the lending industry. It would be a couple more years, but the worst was behind me.... or so I thought.
I had just been busted by my ex for my infidelity. Her relentless digging and prodding divided us further. Her vindictiveness closed the door on us.
My mom was beginning to show her mental frailty and thus become a greater portion of my free time in the next dozen years.
My life was being shaped.
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Time was the ultimate teacher.
At the age of 60, it started to come into focus.
The first 12 years were childhood.
I became the man of the house at age 12 when dad had his heart attacks. from 1968 - 87, I was dad's "helper". Even long after I got married and moved out.
Upon Dad's death, I helped mom. First with the will and insurance.
I helped mom refinance when she accumulated $40K in credit card debt (1996). Mortgage now $60K.
I helped mom get her oxygen. I helped mom refinance onto a reverse mortgage (2002) when she had another $70,000 in Credit card debt to add to her mortgage balance and thusly make the house more affordable. (No house payments). For the last 5 years, she struggled further. She loved her charge accounts.
I helped Nancy get her dream home... constantly remodeling. More furniture...more home improvements... more "toys", fancy cars... baubles of every nature...
I helped Cheryl with her farm until our hasty marriage derailed.
I helped Diana buy a house, improve the house, attain her enclosed privacy fence, refinance her house, dug her pond, rewired her house, installed her dishwasher;
I helped Cheryl again find a condo; find a second condo; find a third condo; rewire one condo; launch a photography business.
I helped Jude get her house; work on her house; refinish all the hard wood in the house; was her nurse after both her surgeries; even in introducing her to my replacement.
I've helped Heather get her house; begin the process of getting her kids back.
Time taught me that I am a flawed person and everyone's "helper".
