April, 2020

April, 2020. The slowest month ever known to mankind. Supposedly, Friday, May 1st will bring the beginnings of reopening Ohio. If what I've seen this past weekend is any indication,  Ohio is more than chomping at the bit. I saw clearly 100 employees and customers in and outside of Home Depot with ONLY ONE MASK!

We're ready to begin socializing... not remain distancing.  This left induced,  media whipped frenzy where EVERY death is labeled a Covid 19 death is BULLSHIT!  Fucking socialists are trying to rig the election because they can't beat trump.  

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In other news...

E.B.Williams photography is dead.

Innovation Graphics is dead.

Circling Buzzards band is dead.

I'm a Roadie now. 

I like it.

update for today, 4/23

Well, I'm starting to make money doing Roadie.  It's not nearly as exhausting as Menards was, and it's kinda fun.

Onward...

No new car anytime soon.  I dont make enough 

 

Onward...

I suspect I'm being played by Dawn. As always...too much want on my end, and not enough from her.

Onward...

Finally watched Kill the Irishman.  About Danny Green.  Jude wanted to see that flick 4  or 5 years ago. I always thought her obsession with the mob was unhealthy, but having lived through that time, I can see the fascination with this one specifically.  After all, Bob Perko had to clean up Shonda Burns guts off an adjacent Cadillac. 

Onward...

My Bill's are slowly diminishing as i pay them off. Soon it'll only be the Synchrony bill, personal loan and car, which is over in November 

More when I have it

Thoughts on Time

It's now over 7 years since Cheryl died.  I just calculated that it was about 7 years combined time that she and I were together.  Yet there are still unresolved issues I wrestle with.  Perhaps,  acceptance is a better way than resolution. She can't come back to resolve all of the unsaid,  undone things.  Acceptance is the way to move on. 

I hardly give any thought to Nancy,  and we had 18 years. I still give thought to Diana,  because of the happiness we had in those first years.  The thought I have got Jude is resentment and anger after about 2.5 years, but I harbor almost none to Heather and her open, active relationship with her boyfriend and after 3.5 years we still live in the same house. 

There are some serious conflicts in my thoughts. Why?

I guess it's because I was thrown over by Jude and Diana.  Any interest I have in sex is strictly casual and occasional.  Only recently have I thought about continued, repeated sex with a girl, and I've never even kissed her, (Dawn). Perhaps it's because she is new to my thoughts on that. 

But my moving beyond my past is going to have to happen if I am to ever have sex again 

Blurred images of the Future

Two days ago, the news claimed that SARTA no longer required masks. Later that day,  Dewine closed school to public for the rest of the year. He also hinted at a blended school year next year,  part on line, part in person. 

Meanwhile,  Trump continues pressure on the governors to open business back up. Yet today, Akron cancelled rocking on the river for 2020. No events to be held outdoors at lock 3. TK from WONE says Blossom is next as Live Nation is looking to refund 18000 in advance ticket sales.  Looks like the year that was to be musical will be music free.

Glad I got the Roadoe Gig started Saturday.  Already being paid on it.

Cross Roads

Having crushed the end of my drumming by climbing back behind the drums, and eventually playing again, what next?

I can't say I'm done because it doesn't feel like it.  I do feel the current incarnation of the band I was in isn't what I wanted.  There's no cohesiveness between myself and the other guys. 

What's next then? 

Something that feels right... or right-er than what recently happened to the Buzzards.  The cohesion melted.  Besides,  I need to be in a band tha feels right. 

So I keep my ears open

The Road Ahead

The road ahead has changed

It's direction not yet clear

My life is suddenly strange

And yet I do not fear...

Don't know where that came from, but it's good! 

Three weeks ago, work was fun and I had every intention of staying there until I was 65. In less than a month:

Bob suddenly quits over management preference of the robot 

Ken turns in his 2 weeks notice. 

Dan gets hurt bad, probably gone. 

I quit today because of mandatory masks and gloves.

In addition,  Thursday,  I quit the band. More because of Guy's asinine position with masks and gloves. 

1. I will NOT be bullied,  shamed or mandated to wear a mask. I'm not buying the paranoia that Dewine and Co spew. 

2. I really have NOTHING in common with any of these guys. I'm a  60s and early 70s music aficionado. They are 80s and 90s as well as 2000s. 

3. It was time.

I did something I never thought I would.  I played in public again after 38 years. Chalk that off the bucket list.  Time to move on 

I left work today with no plan. But I felt vindicated for standing up for my principles. By 9 am, I was already a courier for Roadie. I drove 2 packages today. I won't get rich, but I'm not standing still either.  

Then, yesterday was the 7th angelversary of Cheryl's death.  It weighed on me but not as heavy as in the past. I'm moving forward...

Covid 19 update

Bit by bit, freedoms are being taken away.  Pennsylvania closed liquor stores 3 weeks ago. Bordering counties are now requiring state IDs to buy liquor.  Gatherings are being monitored by neighbors.  

Big brother has come home to roost.  

Work, Sleep Repeat

As we enter the second month of lockdown,  I see cracks in the armor of society. A double standard is arising. Those who honor the government's wishes and those who don't.  

Two camps are emerging.  Those who believe the government and those who don't.  Funny, it no longer seems to be a matter of which side of the aisle you sit, as much as those asleep, and those now awake. 

I was awakened some 15 years ago, and I don't trust the government.  I suspect the charade will continue until June. I also suspect there'll be a new puppet or so in office in November as I suspect that this coronavirus is all part of it,  to drive the economy and the people of this country into dependency in prelude to the pending revolutionary takeover. 

Meanwhile,  Heather ran to her boyfriend in the height of this. Some things never change...

A trip down memory lane

46 years ago,  it was a Saturday.
I was getting ready to take Kathy DeMattie out on our one and only date.
We went to the Parma Theater to watch The Way We Were. It was the night before Palm Sunday. I didn't fare well for the remainder of the year.

What happened to the past 46 years?
While the heartache is gone, and many friends scattered, I wonder why I never took flight. Probably because of my family obligations to mom and dad.

But Flip moved to Washington state. Kathy DeMattie and Kathy Kehoe to Florida.  Viv Luther to California as well as Jeff Hedges. Jay Nescola to Michigan,  and so on.

My own moves have centered around North Royalton and back... to Ravenna,  Willoughby,  Middleburg Hts,  Parma Hts, and now Perry Hts Twp.  This is the furthest out I've lived. However it took me to retirement to do it.

I'd be OK with my life if I had more income and less debts, but that's life....

But I still look back 46 years at my Senior year and wonder how long was that blink of an eye!? I was a senior. Poof now I'm a senior citizen. What the hell happened?

A different view

March 14th:
The last live shows in Ohio. Our gig was cancelled.

March 15th:
"Social Distancing began as the lockdown is enforced. Heather lost her job. I continue working.

April 1st:
Lockdown extended until May 1st.
Misery index increases.

April 5th predictions:

-Divorces will increase
-Bankruptcies will increase
-Businesses will close forever.
-Friendships will be under strains

May 1st Can't come soon enough

Meanwhile,  in 12 days is the 7th anniversary of Cheryl's death.  On one hand, 7 years doesn't seem long enough.  It seems like a longer time period.

On the other hand, I'm continuously reminded of the friends we had in common by their posts of her photos. I'll never be completely free as long as I still associate with the same people.  And... what have they done lately, since I broke away to be a pro photographer? Virtually nothing.

That crowd includes Sammy and Cindy, the Yermans, the Planet crew, Danny Ailla and his wife Jen. A few more. All, have gone away doing their own things as have I. I'm all but dead to them, and that's fine.

The world, and me in it, has changed

SSDD

It's April 5th.
We'll be locked down for another month., minimum.  Ohio's numbers are on the rise, but not nearly as bad as in New York  or 13 other states. 

I picked up another day and Sunday returns as well. I'll be working 6 days a week. Heather the hypochondriac won't look for work, and gave up on her unemployment.  Meanwhile,  Sallies hearing is in 17 days.

I trudge through, as Bob quit and Ken's last day is Thursday.  While Heather does cleaning and bags money from all over, I fixate on paying off my credit cards. Maybe by year's  end I'll be in decent shape to cut back on my hours. Who knows?

Heather plans on heading to Berea next weekend.  I'll be alone again.  Speaking of alone,  it appears that my dubious flirtation with Dawn is at an end. While cute, her mental baggage has become questionable.  I don't need complications.

Facebook has deteriorated into a cesspool of live feed solo jams, covid 19 ads and political blame games for covid. Everyone preaching stay home is old as well.
More when it doesn't happen...