Remington Station

While making deliveries today,  I delivered to Remington Station Townhome apartments.  What a beautiful place! Research showed that they are 2 bedrooms at $975 per month.  Kinda pricey but beautiful 

Bachelor's weekend

So, Dot and I begin our bachelor's weekend while she goes to Hocking Hills for her fuckfest weekend.  Then she has the Gaul to message me and state she wants to go to Towpath Tavern on Saturday night after she gets back. We can't afford that luxury any more. 

SMH

Grandpa for the 4th time

Today, Jessica had her baby girl

Johanna Mae

7 lbs 8 oz, 21.5 in

Born at 9:54

Time for Distance

So, she saw my last posts. Didn't respond. 

I suspect she plays guys until she has them jumping through hoops.

She's cute. She knows it. She's been a model and knows how to make men pant. Too bad. I really had a thing for her. 

That's why it's time for some distance between us . 

I've overplayed my hand and almost got on the hook. I think it's time for me to disappear 

Ups and Downs

I'm seeing a pattern with Dawn.  She pushes and then gets timid or backs away. Usually I wind up pushing right after she does,  and then I feel like I've gone too far. Yesterday was one such time. 

I said I like her A LOT. But I've made some hasty decisions in my past, and some were bad. I said I didn't want to get hurt nor hurt her. 

Then later I said I probably scared her off. She said no. But nothing further. 

This is the second such round of th these cat and mouse games, and n dale w I feel less hopeful than before.  

Sigh

Small bit of cloud nine

Last night I called Dawn. What a nice talk we had. Made plans to meet soon. Hopefully this will happen.

Edit:

She darts in and out of conversations with the skills of a surgeon.  Says little. Implies alot.  After tonight's chat, I'm feeling shot down again.

it's coming

I'm not sure what... but something is gonna change soon. 

Could be Heather's custody.  Could be the second stimulus.  Anything. 

With Deweenie masking the state, who knows? He's an asshole anyway 

7/23/2020

Yesterday was a rather momentous day in Ohio.  Fuehrer Deweenie announced masks in all areas of the state.  MOTHER FUCKER!!!

Facebook as a result went ballistic.  I was tired of all sides of the bullshit mask issue, the BLM issue, the Defunding Police issue, the riots and backlash issues....  and also fucker who was thrown out of  10 from 6. First I blocked his ass... then I deactivated my account.  

No sense having a Facebook account if I'm not posting for photos any more 

Vivid Dreams and Struggling with Memories

I've always had vivid dreams. 

Recently,  I was waiting tables one night, recounting events of 35 to 48 years ago, as well as incorporating the Cerinos into the dream, as well as hostesses. Awakening,  I now realized that most of the people are long dead. 

I always had night terrors with being behind in my tables. Grumbling over late seatings by hostesses, losing track of orders. I was always afraid of falling behind.  Weird

How could I still have unresolved issues from that long ago that they would manifest themselves into my dreams?

Then another night, I was working with the Colonel Penn crew. Also 33 to 35 years ago.  Not so much people being vivid,  but issues.  The policy tote board, the computers. The layout of the office and the feeling of getting busted sabotaging quotes of Sarah Barker.  Weird.

What remains?

1998 - at the end of the year,  I ended the misery that was my marriage. After a full 4 years of persecution and constant reminders I had cheated, plus hundreds of thousands in debt, my life was over. 11/11/98 I moved out.  

I rekindled an affair with Mary Beth, for 6 weeks. Then poof. Suddenly,  alone, hurt and pissed because MB threw me over for her cousin. 

I ricocheted onto Cheryl's bed. On many levels, she and I were good together.  On equally as many levels she and I were bad for and to each other. I broke things off 3 times before we got married, one year to the day after we met.  In one year, we'd be separated and 9 months later,  divorced.  She slowly faded away.

10 months later I met Diana and we had 3 good years together.  But at 50, insecurities and E.D. gripped me. 3 more years and lots of alcohol later, she wanted to explore other men.  Poof. 

Four months later,  I wrote Cheryl a birthday email. We rekindled.  For a while it was good, but then she started showing signs that the sickness would be taking her. 2013... April...it did.

July, 2014. Met probably the most cold, skeptical person I ever met. An atheist named Jude. Broke it off in November of 2014. Took her to get her tests in December, but didn't rekindle until March 17, 2015, which was STILL  too soon. I needed more time to grieve for Cheryl.  

2015 plugged along.  Jude met the family at Thanksgiving.  Can't remember much about 2015, really, except for the house she purchased over memorial day.  Spent that July and August rehabbing it. Moved in September 15th ish. Her cat dying in November began the end. I started my move to the second bedroom.  

My 60th birthday was at Ace Molar at Barbarinos and Vicky Meany made Irish creme cakes. Jude must have had a hand in planning it. The biggest slap in my face was that was the day that Jude made Facebook friends with Jamie... whom she left me for 9 months later.  I moved out in November of 2016.

I had fully planned to not get involved with any one again. Heather contacted me before my move in date and the rest was present tense. I never should have gotten involved.  A messed up chick on multiple meds with a divorce and loss of her kids facing her.  

After a year, she wanted to move closer to her girls and found this place.  As we approach 3 years here, 2 years with her and Randy. I am alone in my room again. 

E.D. took Diana,  Jude and Heather  to other men. Cheryl and I weren't really about sex during the second time.  

I almost pursued Dawn this year. Maybe I would have if not for this coronavirus bullshit.  But I'm biding my time while I work part time driving for Roadie and paying off my bills. 

Just leaving my second band in a year, I know now that I CAN do it, but don't feel the need to reprove it. Photography and Graphics are gone as well. I'm happy enough to drive for now. 

Maybe now that I have stopped looking for someone,  I'll find her. OR I'll find I don't need anyone,  which would be a relief as well

July 9th's Expanded Insanity

On July 9th,  Governor Deweenie expanded the list of counties up from seven:

Here are the 12 counties requiring masks in Ohio:

• Hamilton
• Butler
• Clermont
• Montgomery
• Cuyahoga
• Pickaway
• Fairfield
• Franklin
• Summit
• Lorain
• Trumbull
• Wood

Cuyahoga,  Hamilton and Butler are on the verge of total lockdown again. 

I've had to prepare by getting masks, so that I may still make money. It is my intention to have all credit cards paid off and my car down below $10,000 by the end of the year. I've got to mask to do that. 

I'm not pursuing bands any more. My arthritis in my hand, knees and hips will prevent me from being active again 

On the Dawn front.  I believe it is dead. She's kind of disappeared.  But I learned I would like a slender,  blond with blue eyes. 

compelled

I feel compelled to write,  but I know not what to write. 

Currently,  my music fails me. I try to tap along with songs on the radio. Nothing comes. 

The walls of masks are closing in. Many cities have required masks in public,  even outside.  Cleveland signed on Friday last. Cuyahoga county today. I'll not go back there.  

7 counties in total in Ohio.  Now CDC Is in jeopardy of losing pandemic status despite the spikes in reporting in Ohio.  In a few weeks it could be less than 5.9% for a pandemic. Akron is making noise about going the same route. 

Heather has been busier than an attorney,  going through reports for the 14th's hearing.  Getting affidavits, highlighting notes, lots of work. 

I want to excel,  but all I'm good at is Roadie-ing. I'm making money to pay off my Bill's and severely reduce my car payments.  

Honestly,  being in a band seems like an extravagance now. I want the drums paid off. I want the loan paid off. 

With my photography and graphics companies dead, I now have no interest in either,  and yet nature photography used to warm my soul. Now... not so much.

July 6, 2020

Where do I begin?

I'm trying not to think of Dawn. She's pretty and all, slender and tall, blond and those blue eyes!! But I know there's no future there. I also know I'm one of many followers of her. I don't compete well. Nuff said.

Friday,  mayor Jackson of Cleveland signed an order to require masks in public,  like Columbus and Cincinnati.  They day Cuyahoga county isn't far behind.  Same for Akron.  All are places I won't go now. 

This weekend,  Heather went to be with Randy in a hotel.  The ONLY reason I posted it was because I need to remind myself that I should not feel guilty about Dawn or anyone else I might find.

The band...

On one hand,  I'm glad to be interesting to the guys. On the other hand,  I'm already feeling I'm letting them down.  This will be the last time.  I know I can't move the drums all the time.  It's physically hard for me. The band's name is Silverback.