Hindsight is more than 20/20

I just re-read a couple dozen of my recent posts.
In a great many of my predictions, I was SPOT ON!

My apartment is now down-sized;
My bills are as reduced as possible;
My child support now extinguished;
My past - it's pursuits - it's dreams - all in the past;


My former romantic pursuits were parts of my past - but as Uncle Chuck once said - they didn't survive, because they weren't relevent to my path. What do I mean? Well... the mother to my kids actually held me back - professionally and artistic pursuits-wise - in favor af the "Joe Sixpack" 9-5 mentality. She never understood sales, yet loved the benefits of the sucess when it finally arrived. She could never understand the reality of a budget and eventually altered my budgetary course through the use of GUILT. The financial ruin that consumed us resulted in a financial collapse of about $250,000 in debt.

My former girlfriend - whom I met on Yahoo Personals - and then lost to suspician of internet philandering - was never really my girlfriend at all. She and I were a relationship of convenience for each of us - and that's about it. After the learning process about each other died, so did the romance. Familiarity bred contempt and alcohol abuse ensued on both our parts. I simply could endure no more sniping between us.

My present girlfriend and former 2nd ex - well, while she did change a bit for the better - she has also reminded me of "under the surface issues" that are still there. However, I too, have changed. I ignore her rants and refuse the drama.

My kids...
I still see and hear from Jessica about twice a year. Nothing there has changed. With Erica, things aren't really changed either, as I still get phone call updates from her. Michael and James stopped visitng about a year ago. That freed me up to reduce the size of my rent by downsizing. These two have been the biggest disappointment as they were with me the longest - every other weekend - from 2001 onward.


Employment ...
Has been sparse this summer. While I see a subtle surge NOW... it's NOT what is needed to survive. While I can see myself doing this for the rest of my life, I can't forsee the interim time... the time between here - and ten years from now.

Shortly - I can see turbulence and unrest across the board. Personal as well as National. I need to work harder on myself.

BEWARE!
The Future is opening the door - whether you invited him or not!

Meanings

Today's pop culture belief is change.
Bill Clinton has morals now that his daughter has gotten married. Bill Clinton should be forgiven for his getting a header in the oval office. What the definition of the word "is" is....
PULEEZE! He's still a skirt chasing slimeball. I don't know how many women have passed on their own belief systems when it comes to slimy willie and can still criticize their own skirt chasing ex's. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the phrase... once a cheat, always a cheat. Once a liar, always a liar.

Words MEAN something.
Intentions MEAN something.

Next....
pilosi, reid, obama and all their cult

Endings

Today's passage is on endings.
Weird topic, I know.

Still, it "feels" like I am in the midst of an ending.... and I don't even know what it's all about. One thing I have gotten to trust over the years is my gut instinct, and this feels like an ending.

I am hopeful it means the financial drought is ending. And my gut instinct doesn't say emphatically no, yet still - there's that feeling of UNKNOWN about it.

So, let me speculate.
- Summer's ending. That is a certainty. (Check the calander).
- My dreams of drumming again were dashed for a second time this week when the reality of life's expenses eclipsed my desire for bidding on a practice set of drum pads.
- While work has been so scarce, I have been applying everywhere - only to determine that the job picture is exceedingly bleak.
- Could my nightmarish existance be ending soon as well? (This is a compilation of all the downsizing and short-cutting I have done to reduce expenses to the level that is more manageable).

I'll have to get back on this... because this is hardly completed yet.

Life Observations

Today, AMC played the 40th anniversary edition of the movie, MASH.
At the time it came out, I wasn't permitted to watch it. I was a mere 14. My parents thought it was an obscene movie.

Years passed.
Times changed.
MASH became a family staple, although I doubt my parents ever saw the movie... despite my sister Lisa's choir singing the theme at a concert. (Suicide is painless...)

Some time in late, 2007, Diana and I bought the movie and began buying the TV episodes, one season at a time. By the end of Spring, we had the entire series and had spent many a hilarious evening watching them.

Time again passed.
Diana and I parted ways.
Believe it or not, I still can "hear" her laughing at various scenes when I watch them... this time in my solitude. Endings - for what ever reason - seem to give you much more pain as time reminds you of something that was once good.

Time will pass....
Although it's been almost three years, and these pains too... will one day fade.
One day...