It could be political, but this time it's not.
It could be religious, but again, it's not.
It's personal. My relationship with Heather is dead. No more affection, hasn't been any sex since she opened it up to others. We've polarized. I'd rather be alone than with her in the room. We have nothing to talk about any more. We've outgrown each other.
Three years ago, I was moving to a new apartment and was uninterested in a relationship. By the end of October, she had tried to convince me I wasn't impotent, and I spent 2 hotel bills before the apartment was ready.
I didn't need all the stress and drama in my life. HER stress and drama associated with her kids, divorce and inability to hold a job. Now, at the end of this relationship I realized my purpose in life. I'm a fixer.
I fixed things and helped around the house when dad was alive. That continued throughout mom's life as well. My 20 years of relationship with Nancy was to have kids, and help Jim and Ethel.
When lust interfered and my direction changed, I was a bridge between husbands for Cheryl. But loyalty to my kids was stronger and that portion of isolation ended quickly.
At this point, I needed to help mom again. This would last for the remainder of her life. Then, the disposal of the house. However, my life overlapped with Diana's and I helped her get a house, fix up a house, get a dog, get a back yard paradise including a privacy fence, huge pond and drainage.
When E.D. came, the relationship faded and I learned that for some women, sex is everything. I hadn't been alone but 4 months when Cheryl returned.
Cheryl's return would be for the remainder of her life. I was there for her divorce, her moving into her own place, her moving again, and again; her job/career change which started her down her final path, and her last hospitalization stays. That was a tough time...
A year and a half later, I was looking for something new in my life. Although I was interested in Cheri, she was too close to Cheryl and ran away. I rebounded to Jude.
Enter the worst relationship in my life. We fought about everything. However, my involvement still helped her get a house she liked. That, however also drove us apart with the E.D.
Within a month and a half, we were in separate rooms, and it spiraled down from there. I moved out a year later, and six months following my help after her surgery.
I had secured an apartment and was waiting for it's completion. Jude had long since vacated the house for Jamie while I waited. That's around the time I was ripe for some revenge and wide open to the hope that a much younger person would cure my E.D. I was mistaken.
For 80 percent of my life, I have been helping others. Maybe it's time for me.....
