Dichotomy
What I WANTED to do vs what I HAD to do.
At 14, I wanted to be a rocker.
At 16, I had to spit and polish my ways as a bus boy, then waited.
At 29, entering the business world as a SUIT. It mandated a whole different personality.
At 31, the Xerox 3 piece suit, PSS world, of business dinners, week long meetings and late meetings. NOT me.
At almost 37, the Ivory Tower Banking world . Sooo NOT ME! So alone without dad's advice.
At 38, after 2 months of unemployment - twice in one years time, another UNme move. Inside again, this time wholesale non conforming mortgage. Better, but still UNme.
At 39, shift back outside. Non conforming wholesale rep. UNme, but better; more money, and away from the domestic issues with the beginnings of the collapse of my marriage.
At 41, less UNme still. Success starts as the collapse of the marriage completes.
At 43, job jumping again to try maintaining the high income necessity. 7 jobs in less than 2 years as non conforming companies collapse repeatedly. Failure. Moved in with mom after 2nd divorce and 2nd bankruptcy due to loss of income, but found stable work.
At 52, reality sinks in with mom's death. One year into a job that just collapsed with the economy, I went self Employed, closing loans. Flexibility got me there. Experience kept me there.
At 53, the harsh reality of E.D. caused the end of the relationship with Diana. I rekindled my love of music, seeing bands. I started to feel the twinges of music again, as well as photography. I started playing my old drums and refinishing the chrome. While the drum rehab didn't work and I eventually bought a used set, I had Hope's to play again.
I also was fresh out of a relationship at 53 and didn't have plans for another. Then, Cheryl returned. At first, she encouraged both my rock and roll as well as photography. However....
At age 55, she DIDN'T want me to play again, nor did she support my seeking out musicians to jam with. By the end of the first jam, she rebelled so vehemently that I conceded and quit. Within a year, the same thing happened to my photography. She rebelled so much that she accused me of competing and she wanted me to stop.
By age 55, she'd killed my desires for music playing and photography. I became both her and Sammy's roadie.
At age 57, she died. There were MANY endings. Within 8 months, I moved and was bankrupt again. 15 months of emotional and monetary pain ensued. I got into and out of debt with the payday loans I started with when Cheryl was alive. I picked up a weekend work at home job and started pulling out of debt.
At 58, still reeling emotionally from all that happened, I launched into dating again. Met a couple girls, and then got hooked by Jude. At first it was light and fun. By the end of the 3rd month, I started feeling guilty about Cheryl, and broke it off. Although I was hooked into helping her when she needed rides to and from her pacemaker surgery, I felt I needed to be alone. That ended with a st Patrick's day date and we were trying again.
At age 59, I had already helped her find and supported her purchase of a house. We tore it apart prior to the move in together in September. By November that good old E.D. had us in separate bedrooms.
My 60th birthday was a double edged sword. She and Vickie Meany had engineered a party for me at Barbarinos, but I didn't know for 3/4 of a year later that she had made friends with my future replacement on my birthday. Later that year, after 9 months of a decaying relationship, she announced she was going on a date and I shouldn't wait up. Two days later, she came home. During the last 3 months of my time there, she was home a total of 2 weeks. She even moved her cat out during that time.
At age 61, I had moved again and wasn't really interested in a relationship. Around the same time I was moving, Heather made her move. I was to be her vehicle for divorce.
At age 62, I willingly left North Royalton for the more tranquil Perry Hts Twp. I retired 3 months later. In the two years since, my photography has exploded and I've purchased and sold 2 more drum sets, finally getting a NEW one this last summer.
At age almost 64, after months of practice, I am poised to jam again. I'm also poised on the embarkation of another move... as the experiment with Heather's bearing an end. 8 months ago, she sat crying on the couch, begging to go find a side guy, so she declared our relationship OPENED UP. I'm no longer intimate with her. I've found a part time job and today she declared that after she gets her job, I'm free to live elsewhere.
At this time, I have no plans for any more relationships again...
