Re-Adjustments
They're made all the time.
Whether changing lanes in traffic or when you decide to quit smoking... you've fine tuned your present course.
I made some adjustments 2 years ago when I didn't care for the direction my life was heading into. I quit drinking, paid attention to my health, decided I was better off alone rather than sharing my girlfriend with another man in another state while she chased her long distance relationships fantasy, I returned to my musical roots, later, I met up with an old flame to resolve some unfinished business and I changed my financial direction.
More changes are coming.
The flame is out.
Both the old flame and the musical pursuits directions have run their respective courses.
It has become increasingly apparent to me that my life's direction as of late - although at times seeming counter-productive, has been part of a plan I as of yet don't understand.
After a little over a year of exploring any unfinished business with the old flame, I was reminded why I can't be with her. Fundementally, we are like oil and water. Que Sara Sara. I now can't say I didn't try.
In exploring my musical pursuits again, it has been freustrating realization after frustrating realization. I set down my drumsticks when I became a parent. Seeing how my contemporaries handled their music throughout their lives, I now realize the sad truth that time - and talent - have passed me by. Starting anew would cost me more than I have to give - in the practicing sense - in the financial sense - in the residence practice area sense and in the performance sense.
A brief flirtation into the world of photography has also yielded heartache after heartache. Here too, limited by funds and the equipment I am privy too (not even my own), I realize I can not excell as my heart and soul want to. Further, I don't have the thick skin for the criticism that spews my way from my finally resolved "flame" from the past. She always knows better and always viscerates me with her acidic opinions. Who needs that?
I sense REAL change on the horizon. Not so much one that will be as financially painful as in the past, for I have stripped myself bare of any finances or obligations through the financial re-adjustments I made in my years' past.
A change of venue is all but a certainty.
A change in lifestyle could result.
A change in relationship status is most likely.
A change in friendships is most probable.
It could very well be a time of shaking out the rugs.....
Thursday, April 22, 2010
DELUSIONS
This could get lengthy, so pull up a chair and your favorite beverage.
Within the past several years, there have been global as well as local changes, regime change, and business changes. There's been so much change that very few have been able to see that the course has shifted... not just personally... not just locally... not even nationally... but globally.
These are PERMANANT changes to the course of both history and humanity - for quite some time.
Personally, I've seen just about every change imaginable. Many times, I am surprised I am still standing. But, at least I am! On a personal level, I think that - as many changes have occurred - ten times as many are on the horizon.
With the economy in constant flux, the very first thing you need to do to survive is doubt EVERYTHING any elected official tells you. MOST of those people in the current REGIME have never WORKED for a living. They're career politicians - suck ups who look for appointments when they can't get elected - or - elected to an alternative office when they can't get appointed.
NONE of them have held a WORKING SECTOR job and wouldn't last past their probationary period if they did find themselves working in the real world. Most of their radical supporters haven't worked in the real world, either. They are mostly lesser based politicians (local lifetime political hacks), or actors, activists, tenured professors, most media and union thugs. Without the working class seeing their movies - supporting their causes, attending their classes or supporting them through union dues, watching their miniscule gossip-casts - NONE of these maladjusted assholes would exist! NONE of them have real world experience and therefore you must also discount anything they say as relevant also!
Once you do that - the smoke of bullshit they've fed us for the past 60 or so years begins to clear. The reality that you begin to see may become frightening.
Why do I blashpeme the new premier's order? Because I still can. Soon, however, my rants will have to be in pamphlet form - not all that dissimilar to the hand outs of 250 years ago, when Thomas Paine and Ben Franklin wrote. The internet will soon be as swiftly monitored and regulated to the point where opposing views will be silenced, squelched or just plain erradicated.
The whitewashing arm of the order - aka the media - has been attempting to silence the "tea party" movement and ridicule them or dismiss them as right wing kooks. Kind of like "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain" .... in order to distract us long enough while the socialization of the USSA takes hold. Remember: The root word in "Community Organizer" is COMMUNE.... which is also the ROOT WORD IN COMMUNISM!
So - why pursue this line of thinking?
I never drank the premier's kool aid. I knew he was a socialist from the get go. ... Before he was the appointee. (oops, I mean the nominee. , I have to remember he was "elected". Yeah, and ACORN did nothing wrong, either. More dead people and fictitious people voted for the premier than voted for Kennedy!).
But I digress....
What makes me think I know more than they do?
Uh... gee... let me think for a nano-second. Let's see....
I'm gonna go with the 30 years of business experience I have and if need be, I'll elaborate here - but I doubt you'd care that much to read it.
I've been:
an Insurance Agent; an Insurance Sales Rep; A Mortgage Account Exec; A Loan Officer; An Underwriter; A Processor; A Title Sales Rep; A Notary Public; A Realtor; A Notary Signing Agent; A Business Owner. I've seen light-years worth of changes in Insurance; Business; Brokering; Banking and Mortgage regulation changes. All were supposed to "fix the problem".
The problem is this: KNOW NOTHING Politicians who dabble in business when they haven't a clue what the regulations they are writing will do. In essence, you have lawyers who can't banance their own check books running the financial system. Their own regulations that were supposed to fix the alleged problems 15 years ago came back and bit everyone in the ass recently... and we can't even hold them accountable.
The GOVERNMENT - from the top oraface on down... needs an enima and eeds to be flushed out.
I'm doing my part. I'm starving the beast of it's tax dollars. I sent back my loan officer's license; sent back my real estate license; sent back my LLC and am working as inconspicupusly as possible as a notary - which is exempt from alternative minimum tax. So once I write off all my expenses, I pay no taxes to BUB (the Big Ugly Beast - aka the government(s)... state or fed). I will not support this socialist regime with my tax dollars!
They simply have no clue.
They release press statement after press statement that is filled with more crap than a freshly manured field. They think the press said it - so therefore it must be true and therefore the pions must believe in it. They're so far removed from reality that virtually every "STIMULOUS" package they've allegedly spent hasn't stopped unemployment from rising, foreclosures from rising or people in the USSA who are under-employed - or simply stopped looking.
The regime is so far removed from reality that they ignore the increasing numbers of those who've STOPPED LOOKING for jobs; those who went back to school learning meaningless, make-work positions for non-existant jobs; and those who finished school and have NEVER found work. I personally know many in all those catagories!
Forget the facts that Realty Track said April was another record foreclosure month. Forget the fact that Ohio has an unemployment rate that is over 150% of what it was when the premier was indoctrinated just 15 months ago. Forget the fact that there are more boarded up buildings - both residential as well as commercial - in virtually every American City than there were before the premier took the throne.
Personally, I have stripped myself down... completely eradicating all debt save for my car; and eliminated all possible luxuries - home phone - tanning - entertainment - and have even foregone food at times. I am erasing myself from all of society. I even looked for other ways to make CASH MONEY.... For example:
I used to think that I could jump back into playing the drums - and doing so weekly like other bands I had begun seeing. Many musicians said it was how they financed stuff without having to pay tax.
But then, as my band viewing and friendships grew, I saw the over abundance of like minded individuals who, like me, wanted to make money under the table. I also saw and heard from bar owners, struggling to make ends meet, who had to downsize their entertainment budgets - or simply "stiff" the bands in order to keep the doors open.
The band members are living on a shoe-string budget and are forced to supplement their income by takig less money and playing out more. That floods the market for newbies like me. The bar owners are forced to downsize the bands or charge a cover, which doesn't go over well in many of these urban, rat-hole bars.
No, this is NOT a way to supplement your income.
I'd be better suited by spending my money on firearms and ammunition. At least I could use that for hunting.
I think Americans better wise up to the fact and become - each of themselves - MORE self reliant. I am. I will have to get used to squirrel and 'possum. Grow my own survival garden while squatting on a corner of someone else's abandoned land. DON'T waste your money spaying or neutering your cats and dogs!!! They could feed you when you are hungry and desperate!
I think this government is deluding itself that it can spend and tax it's way out of these difficulties. This isn't a recession. It is a DEPRESSION. The POSERdent of the USSA may not admit it publicly, but what does he know? He hasn't worked a real job in his life. Neither have his advisors. This house of cards that they call our economy isn't worth the paper it's writing it's money with. This is all foundationless toilet paper.
The fall is coming...
Are YOU prepared?
This could get lengthy, so pull up a chair and your favorite beverage.
Within the past several years, there have been global as well as local changes, regime change, and business changes. There's been so much change that very few have been able to see that the course has shifted... not just personally... not just locally... not even nationally... but globally.
These are PERMANANT changes to the course of both history and humanity - for quite some time.
Personally, I've seen just about every change imaginable. Many times, I am surprised I am still standing. But, at least I am! On a personal level, I think that - as many changes have occurred - ten times as many are on the horizon.
With the economy in constant flux, the very first thing you need to do to survive is doubt EVERYTHING any elected official tells you. MOST of those people in the current REGIME have never WORKED for a living. They're career politicians - suck ups who look for appointments when they can't get elected - or - elected to an alternative office when they can't get appointed.
NONE of them have held a WORKING SECTOR job and wouldn't last past their probationary period if they did find themselves working in the real world. Most of their radical supporters haven't worked in the real world, either. They are mostly lesser based politicians (local lifetime political hacks), or actors, activists, tenured professors, most media and union thugs. Without the working class seeing their movies - supporting their causes, attending their classes or supporting them through union dues, watching their miniscule gossip-casts - NONE of these maladjusted assholes would exist! NONE of them have real world experience and therefore you must also discount anything they say as relevant also!
Once you do that - the smoke of bullshit they've fed us for the past 60 or so years begins to clear. The reality that you begin to see may become frightening.
Why do I blashpeme the new premier's order? Because I still can. Soon, however, my rants will have to be in pamphlet form - not all that dissimilar to the hand outs of 250 years ago, when Thomas Paine and Ben Franklin wrote. The internet will soon be as swiftly monitored and regulated to the point where opposing views will be silenced, squelched or just plain erradicated.
The whitewashing arm of the order - aka the media - has been attempting to silence the "tea party" movement and ridicule them or dismiss them as right wing kooks. Kind of like "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain" .... in order to distract us long enough while the socialization of the USSA takes hold. Remember: The root word in "Community Organizer" is COMMUNE.... which is also the ROOT WORD IN COMMUNISM!
So - why pursue this line of thinking?
I never drank the premier's kool aid. I knew he was a socialist from the get go. ... Before he was the appointee. (oops, I mean the nominee. , I have to remember he was "elected". Yeah, and ACORN did nothing wrong, either. More dead people and fictitious people voted for the premier than voted for Kennedy!).
But I digress....
What makes me think I know more than they do?
Uh... gee... let me think for a nano-second. Let's see....
I'm gonna go with the 30 years of business experience I have and if need be, I'll elaborate here - but I doubt you'd care that much to read it.
I've been:
an Insurance Agent; an Insurance Sales Rep; A Mortgage Account Exec; A Loan Officer; An Underwriter; A Processor; A Title Sales Rep; A Notary Public; A Realtor; A Notary Signing Agent; A Business Owner. I've seen light-years worth of changes in Insurance; Business; Brokering; Banking and Mortgage regulation changes. All were supposed to "fix the problem".
The problem is this: KNOW NOTHING Politicians who dabble in business when they haven't a clue what the regulations they are writing will do. In essence, you have lawyers who can't banance their own check books running the financial system. Their own regulations that were supposed to fix the alleged problems 15 years ago came back and bit everyone in the ass recently... and we can't even hold them accountable.
The GOVERNMENT - from the top oraface on down... needs an enima and eeds to be flushed out.
I'm doing my part. I'm starving the beast of it's tax dollars. I sent back my loan officer's license; sent back my real estate license; sent back my LLC and am working as inconspicupusly as possible as a notary - which is exempt from alternative minimum tax. So once I write off all my expenses, I pay no taxes to BUB (the Big Ugly Beast - aka the government(s)... state or fed). I will not support this socialist regime with my tax dollars!
They simply have no clue.
They release press statement after press statement that is filled with more crap than a freshly manured field. They think the press said it - so therefore it must be true and therefore the pions must believe in it. They're so far removed from reality that virtually every "STIMULOUS" package they've allegedly spent hasn't stopped unemployment from rising, foreclosures from rising or people in the USSA who are under-employed - or simply stopped looking.
The regime is so far removed from reality that they ignore the increasing numbers of those who've STOPPED LOOKING for jobs; those who went back to school learning meaningless, make-work positions for non-existant jobs; and those who finished school and have NEVER found work. I personally know many in all those catagories!
Forget the facts that Realty Track said April was another record foreclosure month. Forget the fact that Ohio has an unemployment rate that is over 150% of what it was when the premier was indoctrinated just 15 months ago. Forget the fact that there are more boarded up buildings - both residential as well as commercial - in virtually every American City than there were before the premier took the throne.
Personally, I have stripped myself down... completely eradicating all debt save for my car; and eliminated all possible luxuries - home phone - tanning - entertainment - and have even foregone food at times. I am erasing myself from all of society. I even looked for other ways to make CASH MONEY.... For example:
I used to think that I could jump back into playing the drums - and doing so weekly like other bands I had begun seeing. Many musicians said it was how they financed stuff without having to pay tax.
But then, as my band viewing and friendships grew, I saw the over abundance of like minded individuals who, like me, wanted to make money under the table. I also saw and heard from bar owners, struggling to make ends meet, who had to downsize their entertainment budgets - or simply "stiff" the bands in order to keep the doors open.
The band members are living on a shoe-string budget and are forced to supplement their income by takig less money and playing out more. That floods the market for newbies like me. The bar owners are forced to downsize the bands or charge a cover, which doesn't go over well in many of these urban, rat-hole bars.
No, this is NOT a way to supplement your income.
I'd be better suited by spending my money on firearms and ammunition. At least I could use that for hunting.
I think Americans better wise up to the fact and become - each of themselves - MORE self reliant. I am. I will have to get used to squirrel and 'possum. Grow my own survival garden while squatting on a corner of someone else's abandoned land. DON'T waste your money spaying or neutering your cats and dogs!!! They could feed you when you are hungry and desperate!
I think this government is deluding itself that it can spend and tax it's way out of these difficulties. This isn't a recession. It is a DEPRESSION. The POSERdent of the USSA may not admit it publicly, but what does he know? He hasn't worked a real job in his life. Neither have his advisors. This house of cards that they call our economy isn't worth the paper it's writing it's money with. This is all foundationless toilet paper.
The fall is coming...
Are YOU prepared?
Monday, April 19, 2010
Break Ups
There are always lyrics that get to me.
Sylvia's Mother, by Dr Hook; Telephone Line by ELO; Taxi by Harry Chapin; Another Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg to name a few.
Lost loves and meeting up again - and the heartbreak of what once was - or what might have been....
I haven't had a tremendous amount of "Significant Others" in my life.
But I am Sentimental.
In certain circumstances, I have grown accustomed to what would never have endured. That part of my life was a phase in my life where certain things had to take place. I never really believed I would have gotten married - let alone having the first marriage endure for almost 18 years! And when I think back upon that, I realize I'm not who I was at the time I got married. So I know in my heart that romanticizing about the "What If's" ... had I never gotten divorced - well it's futile. The only thing I might have changed was the when, where and why of that divorce.
I once carried a jealous torch for Ex #2 - even well into my 2nd relationship beyond her. (My first was a 6 month fling). My 2nd marriage lasted but a year, and I was in no condition to remarry. A lesson I learned the most difficult of ways and will stick with from now on...
My 3rd major relationship lasted just over 6 years. THIS is the one that haunts me to date, because I went into it suspecting all the same things I had just been through with ex #2 and STILL got burned in what I consider is a similar fashion.
For this reason ALONE, I feel that I am incompatable with relationships and marriage. Jealousy - whether real or perceived - is the reason for the ending of my last 2 major relationships.
And since I haven't really started a 4th - but rather picked up in continuing the 2nd (Which I am seeing as DOOMED again as each day passes) I can only surmise that I don't wish to have a relationship.
There are always lyrics that get to me.
Sylvia's Mother, by Dr Hook; Telephone Line by ELO; Taxi by Harry Chapin; Another Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg to name a few.
Lost loves and meeting up again - and the heartbreak of what once was - or what might have been....
I haven't had a tremendous amount of "Significant Others" in my life.
But I am Sentimental.
In certain circumstances, I have grown accustomed to what would never have endured. That part of my life was a phase in my life where certain things had to take place. I never really believed I would have gotten married - let alone having the first marriage endure for almost 18 years! And when I think back upon that, I realize I'm not who I was at the time I got married. So I know in my heart that romanticizing about the "What If's" ... had I never gotten divorced - well it's futile. The only thing I might have changed was the when, where and why of that divorce.
I once carried a jealous torch for Ex #2 - even well into my 2nd relationship beyond her. (My first was a 6 month fling). My 2nd marriage lasted but a year, and I was in no condition to remarry. A lesson I learned the most difficult of ways and will stick with from now on...
My 3rd major relationship lasted just over 6 years. THIS is the one that haunts me to date, because I went into it suspecting all the same things I had just been through with ex #2 and STILL got burned in what I consider is a similar fashion.
For this reason ALONE, I feel that I am incompatable with relationships and marriage. Jealousy - whether real or perceived - is the reason for the ending of my last 2 major relationships.
And since I haven't really started a 4th - but rather picked up in continuing the 2nd (Which I am seeing as DOOMED again as each day passes) I can only surmise that I don't wish to have a relationship.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Re-evaluations abound
My life's been twisting and turning over the past several months.
Change is definately all around me. As the changes started to take hold, I felt no reality shift. However, that too - has changed.
There are times when reality comes up and bites you in the ass. Other times you barely notice it as it slithers by. Today, however, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I find myself questioning EVERYTHING!!
Perhaps it is because some of these changes are a mere six weeks hence. Perhaps it is because I have been more reflective lately. Perhaps it is because for the first time, I see the folly that my life has been on.
It was about six months ago that I got the drumming bugback for the first time in many, many years. After some brushing up on the rudiments and the realization that my current set won't do, I searched for a new set - found what I wanted and then had my hopes and dreams crushed when I found that financing, even for those with the best of credit, isn't an option very much any more. That dream died harshly.
Then I deluded myself that I was a photographer for pay, and began beefing up my website towards that end. We began seeing other bands and I saw several things: 1). I literally COULD go back to drumming because I was better than about one-third of the guys we saw! 2). I began the task of rehabbing my old set, with the idea of beefing them up with aquired used drums and painting the whole set uniformly; 3). I began to realize that I needed more exposure and re-opened my Facebook account.
Well, the delusion of photographer for pay died suddenly when a few well honed, very sharp criticisms came from someone who was close to me. The delusion that my relationship was anything but a temporary phase hit me this morning when website criticisms sobered me to the reality that nothing had actually changed. Familiarity breeds contempt. I don't need criticism from someone who's never constructed a website of her own.
Plugs must be pulled.
Property returned.
This direction has ceased going farther.
My life's been twisting and turning over the past several months.
Change is definately all around me. As the changes started to take hold, I felt no reality shift. However, that too - has changed.
There are times when reality comes up and bites you in the ass. Other times you barely notice it as it slithers by. Today, however, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I find myself questioning EVERYTHING!!
Perhaps it is because some of these changes are a mere six weeks hence. Perhaps it is because I have been more reflective lately. Perhaps it is because for the first time, I see the folly that my life has been on.
It was about six months ago that I got the drumming bugback for the first time in many, many years. After some brushing up on the rudiments and the realization that my current set won't do, I searched for a new set - found what I wanted and then had my hopes and dreams crushed when I found that financing, even for those with the best of credit, isn't an option very much any more. That dream died harshly.
Then I deluded myself that I was a photographer for pay, and began beefing up my website towards that end. We began seeing other bands and I saw several things: 1). I literally COULD go back to drumming because I was better than about one-third of the guys we saw! 2). I began the task of rehabbing my old set, with the idea of beefing them up with aquired used drums and painting the whole set uniformly; 3). I began to realize that I needed more exposure and re-opened my Facebook account.
Well, the delusion of photographer for pay died suddenly when a few well honed, very sharp criticisms came from someone who was close to me. The delusion that my relationship was anything but a temporary phase hit me this morning when website criticisms sobered me to the reality that nothing had actually changed. Familiarity breeds contempt. I don't need criticism from someone who's never constructed a website of her own.
Plugs must be pulled.
Property returned.
This direction has ceased going farther.
Monday, April 05, 2010
Time.
The cure all.
I've done my share of thinking over the past 19 months.
That's exactly how long ago my life took a sharp veer off what used to be it's course.
Since that time, I have rectified my blood pressure problem as well as my gout problem and my liver problem. I've been given a clean bill of health on ALL of that - PLUS my prostrate, EKG and cholesterol/triglycerides. Although, due to the nature of my occupation and eating habits, my weight remains the same.
I've returned to the music scene and augmented both my penchant for photography as well as my potential to return to drumming. 19 months ago - NEITHER of those were a remote possibility, what-so-ever.
Time has eliminated my dependence on gas guzzlers and 2nd hand heaps.
Time has all but eliminated my need to pay support of any kind. I have a mere 2 months left after 12+ years of it.
Time has etched away much of the sting from the past relationship's heartbreaks.
Time has finally weaned my children's dependence upon me for most of their trivial and gossip ridden life-paths.
Time will further etch away the scars of the past and remove all but a few rememberances of these issues.
Time has depleated the need to self medicate as I had dome consistantly for a 6 year and 4 month period. Beer is hardly anything more than a Larry the Cable Guy joke and not at all condusive to my gout, nor my health. Ice water has become the beverage of choice.
Time has taken friends and aquaintances before their own time - or perhaps before my own ability to compensate for lost time in contacting them.
Time has become a friend - a companion... rather than an enemy.
As I grow older, I realize the night is nearer and the day's labors are closer to completed than my ability to perceive life's rest may enable me to see it.
Time has passed.
And there's now more past... than future.
The cure all.
I've done my share of thinking over the past 19 months.
That's exactly how long ago my life took a sharp veer off what used to be it's course.
Since that time, I have rectified my blood pressure problem as well as my gout problem and my liver problem. I've been given a clean bill of health on ALL of that - PLUS my prostrate, EKG and cholesterol/triglycerides. Although, due to the nature of my occupation and eating habits, my weight remains the same.
I've returned to the music scene and augmented both my penchant for photography as well as my potential to return to drumming. 19 months ago - NEITHER of those were a remote possibility, what-so-ever.
Time has eliminated my dependence on gas guzzlers and 2nd hand heaps.
Time has all but eliminated my need to pay support of any kind. I have a mere 2 months left after 12+ years of it.
Time has etched away much of the sting from the past relationship's heartbreaks.
Time has finally weaned my children's dependence upon me for most of their trivial and gossip ridden life-paths.
Time will further etch away the scars of the past and remove all but a few rememberances of these issues.
Time has depleated the need to self medicate as I had dome consistantly for a 6 year and 4 month period. Beer is hardly anything more than a Larry the Cable Guy joke and not at all condusive to my gout, nor my health. Ice water has become the beverage of choice.
Time has taken friends and aquaintances before their own time - or perhaps before my own ability to compensate for lost time in contacting them.
Time has become a friend - a companion... rather than an enemy.
As I grow older, I realize the night is nearer and the day's labors are closer to completed than my ability to perceive life's rest may enable me to see it.
Time has passed.
And there's now more past... than future.
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