Re-evaluations abound

My life's been twisting and turning over the past several months.
Change is definately all around me. As the changes started to take hold, I felt no reality shift. However, that too - has changed.

There are times when reality comes up and bites you in the ass. Other times you barely notice it as it slithers by. Today, however, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I find myself questioning EVERYTHING!!

Perhaps it is because some of these changes are a mere six weeks hence. Perhaps it is because I have been more reflective lately. Perhaps it is because for the first time, I see the folly that my life has been on.

It was about six months ago that I got the drumming bugback for the first time in many, many years. After some brushing up on the rudiments and the realization that my current set won't do, I searched for a new set - found what I wanted and then had my hopes and dreams crushed when I found that financing, even for those with the best of credit, isn't an option very much any more. That dream died harshly.

Then I deluded myself that I was a photographer for pay, and began beefing up my website towards that end. We began seeing other bands and I saw several things: 1). I literally COULD go back to drumming because I was better than about one-third of the guys we saw! 2). I began the task of rehabbing my old set, with the idea of beefing them up with aquired used drums and painting the whole set uniformly; 3). I began to realize that I needed more exposure and re-opened my Facebook account.

Well, the delusion of photographer for pay died suddenly when a few well honed, very sharp criticisms came from someone who was close to me. The delusion that my relationship was anything but a temporary phase hit me this morning when website criticisms sobered me to the reality that nothing had actually changed. Familiarity breeds contempt. I don't need criticism from someone who's never constructed a website of her own.

Plugs must be pulled.
Property returned.
This direction has ceased going farther.