Break Ups

There are always lyrics that get to me.
Sylvia's Mother, by Dr Hook; Telephone Line by ELO; Taxi by Harry Chapin; Another Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg to name a few.

Lost loves and meeting up again - and the heartbreak of what once was - or what might have been....

I haven't had a tremendous amount of "Significant Others" in my life.
But I am Sentimental.

In certain circumstances, I have grown accustomed to what would never have endured. That part of my life was a phase in my life where certain things had to take place. I never really believed I would have gotten married - let alone having the first marriage endure for almost 18 years! And when I think back upon that, I realize I'm not who I was at the time I got married. So I know in my heart that romanticizing about the "What If's" ... had I never gotten divorced - well it's futile. The only thing I might have changed was the when, where and why of that divorce.

I once carried a jealous torch for Ex #2 - even well into my 2nd relationship beyond her. (My first was a 6 month fling). My 2nd marriage lasted but a year, and I was in no condition to remarry. A lesson I learned the most difficult of ways and will stick with from now on...

My 3rd major relationship lasted just over 6 years. THIS is the one that haunts me to date, because I went into it suspecting all the same things I had just been through with ex #2 and STILL got burned in what I consider is a similar fashion.

For this reason ALONE, I feel that I am incompatable with relationships and marriage. Jealousy - whether real or perceived - is the reason for the ending of my last 2 major relationships.

And since I haven't really started a 4th - but rather picked up in continuing the 2nd (Which I am seeing as DOOMED again as each day passes) I can only surmise that I don't wish to have a relationship.