For the 3rd night in a week, I'm alone.
Last Sunday and Monday nights and last night (also Sunday). It averages 2 nights a week now she's with him.
Today, I start a part time job. I hope it lasts at least 6 months. I need to pay off my bills. I also need to stash away some saved cash.
November approaches marking the 2nd anniversary of moving here. By that time I'll need to have the drums paid off and credit cards paid, plus be better rehearsed up. Then maybe I can join a band and bring in extra cash.
I hope I'm going to find an affordable place for myself and get moved. I'd rather live alone than with someone who fucks another man. I'm worth more than that.
Monday, July 15, 2019
Transitions
July 4th's discoveries and the conversations afterwards lead to one final revelation: He's the paralegal who's been assisting her. I laughed out loud when I heard that.
Following a weekend of her basically crying in bed, my spending as much time away as possible, and girls elsewhere even though it was her weekend, we're now staring down the barrel of the Blues Cruise.
We had two weeks of intense cleanings of 2 houses and 2 apartments. Heather's trying to build up the house cleaning business and my mind is now on the statement by Terry that he's looking for a full time drummer for the T-Dog 3. Mentally, I am ready. I still need songs to practice, but for the first time in a long time, I am committed.
On the home front, things are weird. I suspected she would develop feelings for Randy as the physical gratification ensued. I suspect last weekend's bed cry was part of it. Although Heather also said she had another big row with Sarah. Perhaps... but there's more...
Heather has let slip that Randy, being an accomplished author himself, is going to assist Heather in getting her books published. He's supposedly taking Heather to California in September to meet with a publisher. Surprisingly, I am no longer Jealous. I can use that time to get my affairs in gear and find a place to live, as I think my time here is coming to a rapid end. More when I have it.
Following a weekend of her basically crying in bed, my spending as much time away as possible, and girls elsewhere even though it was her weekend, we're now staring down the barrel of the Blues Cruise.
We had two weeks of intense cleanings of 2 houses and 2 apartments. Heather's trying to build up the house cleaning business and my mind is now on the statement by Terry that he's looking for a full time drummer for the T-Dog 3. Mentally, I am ready. I still need songs to practice, but for the first time in a long time, I am committed.
On the home front, things are weird. I suspected she would develop feelings for Randy as the physical gratification ensued. I suspect last weekend's bed cry was part of it. Although Heather also said she had another big row with Sarah. Perhaps... but there's more...
Heather has let slip that Randy, being an accomplished author himself, is going to assist Heather in getting her books published. He's supposedly taking Heather to California in September to meet with a publisher. Surprisingly, I am no longer Jealous. I can use that time to get my affairs in gear and find a place to live, as I think my time here is coming to a rapid end. More when I have it.
Friday, July 05, 2019
July 4th - a day for discovery
A bit of background...
As mentioned previously, Heather's been making noise for six months about her need for sexual release.
I listened to her complaints, and then listened to her sexploits.
I listened and listened.
Her guilty feelings eventually betrayed her. Using the facts I pieced together by listening to the fragmented facts she did reveal, I found Randy Nygeris (close to his last name's spelling), of Berea, OH.
I didn't want to know. Now I am quite sure. The final bit of info, just today was about his Phone. He posted verbatim on his page just days ago, and I found traces of Heather's likes and responses on his page, including a very recent reference to a baseball game attended.
She wanted to talk this evening
I kept saying I don't want to know, or hear anything. She persisted, so I told her how this has impacted my life:
1. It now limits where I can go take photos.
2. It now limits which bands I can see and where. He and I have multiple overlapping friends.
She said it doesn't matter. No one knows. If I was able to put two and two together, others will too. I don't want to face another public outing like with Peg or Vicky when Jude went public with Jaime.
I know his name, where he's from and i know who his friends are. Some are VERY GOOD FRIENDS of mine.
While I'm quite proud of my powers of deduction, I'm also realizing the limits now placed on me.
When I revealed my findings, she finally revealed herself. Last week, she broke down and cried. It wasn't for me as she feigned, and neither was tonight's tears. In 3 different instances, she's shown she's developed feelings for him. Both times crying and when, in her bragging, she stated he better NOT be screwing someone else!
Her abilities to cover are getting more and more frail. And honestly, I'm beyond jealous. I wouldn't want her back sexually now at all. That opportunity is now gone.
God, I hate the idea of moving those albums again....
As mentioned previously, Heather's been making noise for six months about her need for sexual release.
I listened to her complaints, and then listened to her sexploits.
I listened and listened.
Her guilty feelings eventually betrayed her. Using the facts I pieced together by listening to the fragmented facts she did reveal, I found Randy Nygeris (close to his last name's spelling), of Berea, OH.
I didn't want to know. Now I am quite sure. The final bit of info, just today was about his Phone. He posted verbatim on his page just days ago, and I found traces of Heather's likes and responses on his page, including a very recent reference to a baseball game attended.
She wanted to talk this evening
I kept saying I don't want to know, or hear anything. She persisted, so I told her how this has impacted my life:
1. It now limits where I can go take photos.
2. It now limits which bands I can see and where. He and I have multiple overlapping friends.
She said it doesn't matter. No one knows. If I was able to put two and two together, others will too. I don't want to face another public outing like with Peg or Vicky when Jude went public with Jaime.
I know his name, where he's from and i know who his friends are. Some are VERY GOOD FRIENDS of mine.
While I'm quite proud of my powers of deduction, I'm also realizing the limits now placed on me.
When I revealed my findings, she finally revealed herself. Last week, she broke down and cried. It wasn't for me as she feigned, and neither was tonight's tears. In 3 different instances, she's shown she's developed feelings for him. Both times crying and when, in her bragging, she stated he better NOT be screwing someone else!
Her abilities to cover are getting more and more frail. And honestly, I'm beyond jealous. I wouldn't want her back sexually now at all. That opportunity is now gone.
God, I hate the idea of moving those albums again....
Wednesday, July 03, 2019
How the hell did this happen?
1998: I was a hoe.
Simply put, I used theGlobe chat rooms as a way to get laid.... ... a LOT.
10 years later, having tripled my "notches" in my headboard, I was dealt death blow to my libido. E D. had crept in. I thought it was due to the volumes of alcohol Diana and I were drinking. And at first, it may have been.
Diana, however, was a roamer, and was on track to spread her wings again. By September, I was alone and roaming, myself. It didn't matter. I couldn't get it up for the class of swine I had been swilling.
The return of Cheryl brought my libido back for a while, but her sickness took over and we were cut short. I think that end also ended my sexuality.
The resulting trolls were just that... trolls. Jude should have never happened. She was a complete meltdown of anything resembling sanity. Her abrupt change of heart indicated she needed sex I couldn't give. Still, her usury of my emotions left another scar.
I should have remained single. I know that now. Heather's subsequent pursuit of me was more flattering than real. Her being born the year I graduated was a big ego boost, even though I never had the ability to follow through.
Ironically, the last two were told about my sexual inadequacy ahead of time. They were warned. In retrospect, it started with Diana in about 2006, and one of her reasons for trolling was lack of intimacy. Jude trolled as well. All the while she was planning my 60th birthday party, she was trolling, and in fact made friends with the guy she left me for on that very birthday.
Heather had been making noises about sex with others as far back as a year ago. Had I stood my ground and not gotten involved, I'd not be alone so many nights now.... I wouldn't have a relationship to be alone in.
So, this is karma, huh? I suspect they too, will be paid a karmatric visit some day as well...
Simply put, I used theGlobe chat rooms as a way to get laid.... ... a LOT.
10 years later, having tripled my "notches" in my headboard, I was dealt death blow to my libido. E D. had crept in. I thought it was due to the volumes of alcohol Diana and I were drinking. And at first, it may have been.
Diana, however, was a roamer, and was on track to spread her wings again. By September, I was alone and roaming, myself. It didn't matter. I couldn't get it up for the class of swine I had been swilling.
The return of Cheryl brought my libido back for a while, but her sickness took over and we were cut short. I think that end also ended my sexuality.
The resulting trolls were just that... trolls. Jude should have never happened. She was a complete meltdown of anything resembling sanity. Her abrupt change of heart indicated she needed sex I couldn't give. Still, her usury of my emotions left another scar.
I should have remained single. I know that now. Heather's subsequent pursuit of me was more flattering than real. Her being born the year I graduated was a big ego boost, even though I never had the ability to follow through.
Ironically, the last two were told about my sexual inadequacy ahead of time. They were warned. In retrospect, it started with Diana in about 2006, and one of her reasons for trolling was lack of intimacy. Jude trolled as well. All the while she was planning my 60th birthday party, she was trolling, and in fact made friends with the guy she left me for on that very birthday.
Heather had been making noises about sex with others as far back as a year ago. Had I stood my ground and not gotten involved, I'd not be alone so many nights now.... I wouldn't have a relationship to be alone in.
So, this is karma, huh? I suspect they too, will be paid a karmatric visit some day as well...
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